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Blogmas Day 7 – The seven stages of Secret Santa panic

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By Fiona Reid
Blogmas Day 7 - The seven stages of Secret Santa panic

RAISE your hand if you've ever felt personally victimised by Secret Santa?


On the seventh day of Blogmas my colleagues gave to me . . .

Seven bottles of wine
Six novelty mugs
Five soap-on-a-ropes
Four bathbombs
Three Christmas candles
Two boyband calendars AND
an out of date M&S voucher!!

Christmas in an office means  several things – up go the tacky decorations, the stress of finding the perfect Christmas night out dress (if you’re female . . . or that way inclined) and of course the panic of Secret Santa!

Here are the seven stages of Secret Santa panic . . .

  1. Panic number one – will I bother taking part?Not taking part makes you look massively bah humbug and slightly like you don’t like the people you work with . . . or can’t remember their names . . . or both.
  2. Panic number two – what if I pick myself?When you’re the last to pick and low and behold whose name do you reach in and pull out??? YOURSELF. Out of 20 plus people you end up with you! Dilemma – do you just buy yourself something nice or make everyone throw their names back in the hat and start over?
  3. Panic number three – who even is that?Sherry M . . . who is she? Why have I never encountered this person before? Is she the lady that always hogs the microwave? Will I ask who she is? Or does that make me look bad? Why is she Sherry M, are there two Sherrys I don’t know? Should have just stuck with my own name . . .

    Smiling business woman holding clipboard in hands isolated over white
    Sherry M . . . is that you?
  4. Panic number four – is this appropriate?At 9.38 pm on a Thursday night sitting on your couch at home it seemed hilarious and very witty to order an edible thong off Amazon for 57-year-old Simon who lives with his three cats but doubts are starting to sink in – will he find it funny? Will he be upset/freaked out/disapproving/even know what it is? Or worse . . . will he wear it?
  5. Panic number five – everyone’s bought the same on sale bottle of prosecco from Tesco!Wow. This is so awkward. The budget was £7.50 and we all know that bottle was only £4! Oh well never look a gift prosecco in the mouth I guess . . .
  6.  Panic number six – the present is awful!Unwrapping your gift and oh no . . . it’s a soap on the rope! Quickly hide your disappointment. Say something oozing with appreciation and then stare admiringly at your unwanted gift. I bet this is from Sherry M, silly woman has never bothered to try and get to know me!

    Woman with sad unhappy face holding mask with a fake smile. Vector illustration in comic retro pop art style.
    This is my happy face
  7. Panic number seven – hang on . . . did I not give YOU that last year?There’s a special place in h*ll for re-gifters! Especially those who can’t even remember where the gift came from in the first place. Some poor gifts are destined to do the rounds at Secret Santa after Secret Santa until at last the last receiver retires . . . or gives in and finally uses the snowman soap on a rope, first purchased in 1983 from Woolworths, in mid-July.

    Happy Secret Santa-ing everyone!



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