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Interview with Santa

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By Fiona Reid
Interview with Santa

AS we know, this Christmas will be unlike any other in recent memory. But even a global pandemic won't stop Santa Claus, who has confirmed he will still be delivering presents to every child tonight. Even on his busiest week, he took some time out to answer a few questions for Donald Turvill at DNG Media:

*I’d like to start by asking something I’ve always wanted to know, which is what do you do on Christmas Day once you’ve finished all your deliveries?

On Christmas Day what we do is we have a magical meal with all the elves, and this is food that Mrs Claus has lovingly prepared. It’s like a mini banquet, once I’ve shaken the snow off my boots I make a speech to thank everyone for their hard work in the lead up to Christmas and then the party begins with all the elves round the table. It really is a mouth-watering feast in the great hall and it’s got all kinds of chocolate chip cookies, Christmas cake, all kinds of puddings and pies, ginger beer and pumpkin juice. The elves then take turns telling stories about all the things that have happened over the year; they laugh, sing and dance, have a few days off and then it starts all over again for the following year.

*That sounds like an incredible feast prepared by your wife, how did you two meet?

Well, I’ve always had the elves to help me, but one of my major regrets was the fact I didn’t have anyone special to share my home in Lapland with, then one year whilst I was travelling around the world on Christmas Eve I met a woman whose spirit shone ever so bright and whose belief in me was ever so complete. Our wedding was the most spectacular in the world where all the kings and queens of elves and fairies attended. Since then our love has grown with every passing day and we’re the happiest couple in the world because we get to spend our lives making sure that everybody else in the world is happy.

*Who would be your dream Christmas dinner party guest?

That’s a very difficult question, I suppose I’d invite the Pope, or even all the religious leaders of the world. It would be good to sit down and have a full discussion about the spiritual side of Christmas.

*What will be different about Christmas this year?

The thing is, this year it’s going to be very much different. Everybody, all the kids, need to remain safe, make sure they’re in bed and that they don’t come down the stairs. But I won’t disappoint, I’ll be in and out before they know it and I’ll still deliver all the presents – remember to leave me a note as I love receiving them, and of course don’t forget to leave me and the reindeer something to eat and drink. In Lapland it has been very different, new technology has taken quite a lead and that’s something I’ve had to come to terms with and get used to but I have technical elves that can advise me on that.

Safety will be my main priority though, and thankfully I am regarded as a key worker all around the world, as is Mrs Claus and all the elves. We have a job to do and we’ve got to deliver all the presents in the world in just one night.

*On that point, I don’t want to be the one to question the magic of Christmas, but many will be wondering exactly how you manage a trip around the world in just a matter of hours?

Well, the sleigh has some interesting gadgets on it. One of them is a positioning globe with a thick gel inside it, and within the gel are lots of tiny little bubbles. When it is spun they all come together to form one big bubble, and the sleigh is then suspended in its own time, which allows us to deliver all the presents in one night. There’s all kinds of equipment like that we have with us, as well as water for the reindeer as we visit a lot of hot countries – it’s really important for the operation that they’re properly fed and watered.

*And what do the reindeer do during the rest of the year?

They obviously have magical powers – they leap into the air and take-off and practice this continuously back in Lapland, especially with the young reindeer, so they’re always getting better at it and brining young young reindeer on.

*Is there any snack aside from mince pies you’d like to ask our readers to leave out for you on Christmas Eve?

Strangely enough, what people don’t realise is that all the mince pies and food that’s left out, none of it’s wasted. I have a few during the night but most of it gets taken back for the elves to eat in Lapland. But I suppose a glass of ginger beer would be nice though, and I also love shortbread, Christmas cake, almond tarts, that kind of thing.

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